Anyone could guess that emigrating is probably going to be life changing. I don’t think that you can ever really be prepared for quite how life changing it is, and for all the different ways.
I’ve lost friends.
This I suppose is inevitable, but the friends you lose are never the ones you expect. People you used to speak to everyday no longer bother to keep in contact. Emails, messages, phone calls all go unanswered. Some, who’s empty promises of ‘We’ll keep in touch’ you always saw through, others who you really expected to hear from.
Then on the flip side, I’ve received positive messages of encouragement and congratulations from people who I never even thought would care.
People you haven’t been so close to for years or ones you never saw as much as you wanted sending you well wishes and admiring your photos is such an uplifting feeling. The friends that do keep in touch suddenly mean twice as much to you and you have so much more to say to each other.
I’ve found security.
It’s ironic how moving to a country with no home, no job and not much money actually made me feel more secure than I ever did back in the UK. Joe and I turned a risky situation into the best one that I certainly, have ever been in. I no longer worry daily about being thrown out of my flat. I’m finally in a relationship where I feel secure. I’ve always been a bit nervy and not trusting but if he’s moved country with me then I’m pretty sure he’s serious about me!
I lost myself.
In a new job, a new flat, a new country- I am totally out of my comfort zone. When everything is new to you, you lose the mask you’ve been living behind for years but you begin to discover who you really are. From the beginning, all over again. Turns out I am not ditzy, gobby and sure of myself. I’m actually shy, reserved, clever and… well I don’t know, I am still learning.
I have done some really crazy things in my life. When I was 13 I tried to do an allnighter in a forest with my best friend and some older boys we hardly knew. I’ve jumped out of a plane. I’ve drunk til I can’t stand up. I’ve walked home when I’m so out of it I’m not sure what direction to walk in. I’ve got in a car when drunk with people I didn’t know and I’ve abused my body in more ways than I care to count. But leaving my home, my job, my friends and my family to move to a country I’d only visited once for a few days with a man I’d only known a matter of months was by far the craziest thing I’ve ever done.
Yet it’s the one thing in my life I have ever done that’s actually made sense.