It is so important in life to be comfortable with yourself. To be able to be alone, and just be. Not feel lonely, bored, restless. Since the breakup, I’ve not really spent much time alone. I’ve spent more time with old friends, been out and about, enjoying parties and events, meeting new people. In fact, I’ve been alone less than when I was in a relationship, when I was often home alone for long periods. And it’s not by any conscious effort. I’ve not been avoiding alone time, I’ve just been enjoying doing things I was too shy to do before, meeting new people and trying new things.
But this weekend, I decided I needed to spend time alone, to make sure that I could. So much has changed in my life this year and I’ve not had a second to sit down and check in with myself. I’m glad, as summer is for constant fun, working hard and having the best time, but we all need to sit, breathe and make sure we’re really happy every now and again.
A Friday Evening Alone
I had a lot of work to catch up on this week. I wanted to clear a bunch of pending items so that next week, for the first time ever, I could start Monday totally fresh without a hundred things clamouring to be done. So I spent a bit of time online, clearing out my Skype and e-mail backlogs, compiling a few reports and making some to do lists.
I did a spot of grocery shopping to make sure my cupboards are well stocked, and also treated myself to some new pans, some new knives and a set of new wine glasses (plus, of course, a nice light rose to enjoy within them!). Once I was all fed, I poured myself that glass of wine and enjoyed an evening of Gilmore Girls on the sofa. Totally relaxed and content.
Then on Saturday morning I woke early, especially to go into Sliema and watch the sunrise. Whilst it was a noble quest, and was absolutely worth it once I got there, I regret undertaking this on a weekend. Do you know how many drunks are on the streets between 5AM and 7AM? Many. And it seemed to be entirely drunk men. Do all the women go home earlier?
One car with two men crawled beside me for a while (luckily with 10 feet of space between us, and a small hedge, so there was no chance of unexpected bundling) then eventually rolled down the window and offered me a lift. Not entirely gentlemanly I wouldn’t have thought. There were plenty of other people on the street who were watching this unfold, quite a few of whom looked about ready to jump in and assist should I need it, so I didn’t feel unsafe, but I certainly didn’t like what I felt they were after.
Another group of clearly drunk men stumbled along, laughing at me for ‘being on my way to work’ when they clearly thought they were much cooler for being stumbling home at that time (topless and covered in blood. Real winners). All in all, I’m glad I did it, as I saw a glorious sunrise, but I’ll absolutely avoid being out at that time of morning alone on a weekend again.
As I was up early and home by around 7AM, I had plenty of time to make myself a nice breakfast. Usually I’m up too late to fit anything in, or I just grab something sweet and run on the sugar high until I crash. But a good hearty meal to start the day really set me up the right way and left me feeling full, happy and energised.
I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon reading on the terrace, enjoying some sun before it got too hot and listening to music. I even managed to get a bit of colour, which is not something I achieve often. Once it started to get a bit too hot to enjoy laying in the sun, I headed into Sliema to pick up some essentials (Bioderma, nothing else removes makeup quite so well!) and grab some lunch at Just Burger.
When I got home I did a spot of writing, watched some Gilmore Girls and attempted a bit of tidying. In the evening I made a valiant effort to make a Thai curry but it ended up entirely too hot for me so I froze it and ended up gorging on pizza instead, but hey, the thought was there.
Sunday was a little less productive as a headache that began on Friday was still holding firm so I decided not to push myself to be productive and mainly relaxed at home. I sunbathed a little more, read a lot, had a long bubble bath, watched some youtube, did a lot more writing and a little more work.
All in all I’ve had a great weekend by myself. I realised that I’m not running or hiding from anything. I can still be alone and be happy. I just love being around people. And that’s honestly never something I thought I’d ever say. Go me!